Re: "Intimacy for the Avoidant"

10/7/16

To the editor:

Donald Winnicott, a Britiish pediatrician and psychoanalyst, spoke of the endearing objects young children often have a special attachment to - raggedy stuffed animals or dolls, blankets held onto on their last thread - as 'transitional objects.'  These things soothe children by creating a bridge or link to the most important person in a child's life during periods of separation - typically one's mother.  Over time, these objects are given up having outlived their usefulness.  The child's secure attachment to her mother is internalized and forms the basis for building healthy intimate relationships.

David Brooks (NYT, 'Intimacy for the avoidant', 10/7/16) describes a perverse form of this phenomenon for individuals with a 'phone addiction.'  Perverse because the 'security blanket' of the smartphone is not a link to a deeply loved other; rather it is a poor, superficial substitute.  Perverse because it is not transitional; it cannot be relinquished as there is no deeper attachment to replace it. 

Technology, as David Brooks notes, can be a valuable tool to build relationships . But for some the seductive appeal of distance, relative invulnerability and, sometimes anonymity, can inadvertently convert the tool into an impediment to intimacy. I think we are all vulnerable to this addictive behavior.  Caution is warranted in the use of these devices especially with young people whose brains, minds, and social capacities are being actively developed.

Respectfully,

Larry S. Sandberg MD